It helps if you are LDS to understand all the references, but I thought they were pretty funny -
How Mormon is Mitt Romney?
by Joanna Brooks
Earlier this week, Florida evangelical Christian leader John Stemberger endorsed Rick Perryâ€™s campaign for GOP presidential nominee. According to Stemberger, Perry was more â€œtrustworthyâ€ on social conservation issues like abortion rights.
On Romney, Stemberger said: â€œThe issue not that he is a Mormon. The issue is that he wasnâ€™t Mormon enough. If he had been consistent with traditional Mormon values his whole career, that would make me feel a lot more comfortable about where heâ€™s coming from.â€
Mitt Romney. Not Mormon enough. Yeah. Right.
Stembergerâ€™s ludicrous assessment of Mitt Romneyâ€™sMormonism inspired an eighteen-hour-stream of â€œMitt Romney is so Mormon jokesâ€ on Twitter at @askmormongirl. Iâ€™m reprinting the best here, with thanks to the comic geniuses of the Mormon Twitternacle.
(Just a note: for some of these, you may have to be Mormon to understand.)
So, how Mormon is Mitt Romney?
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™s related to the other Mormon presidential candidate and half of his own campaign volunteers as well.
Mitt is so Mormon his campaign bus is a pioneer handcart.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d call 19-year-old boys to serve as US ambassadors.
Mitt is so Mormon his Israel policy will be centered on Jackson County, Missouri.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll make the income tax a flat 10% and collect fast offerings to fund Medicaid.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll ask the Senate to â€œsustainâ€ his appointees by manifesting with an upraised hand.
Mitt is so Mormon he doesnâ€™t do Pilates, he does golden Pilates.
Mitt is so Mormon that his campaign â€œoppoâ€ team has done all the other candidatesâ€™ genealogy.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™s organizing his precinct walkers in pairs to knock doors with a very special message.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d make the Book of Mormon required reading at the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Mitt is so Mormon, that if heâ€™s elected the â€œFirstLadyâ€ will be known as the â€œFirst Wife.â€
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll choke up and weep during his inaugural address. And then say, â€œI told myself I wasnâ€™t going to cry.â€
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d commission a presidential motorcade built entirely of 10-passenger family vans.
Mitt is so Mormon, he will actually hang the Constitution up by a thread, just so he can save it.
Mitt Romney is so Mormon that heâ€™s afraid to join the Tea Party because of Doctrine & Covenants 89.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll start the State of the Union with the words: â€œI wasnâ€™t going to get up, but the Spirit just carried me up here.â€
Mitt is so Mormon his campaign biography begins, â€œI, Willard, having been born of goodly parents.â€
Mitt is so Mormon, he will ask members of Congress to go home and pray about his economic plan.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d ask the Elders Quorum to move himinto the White House.
Mitt Romney is so Mormon that his first act will be to make July 24 a national holiday.
Mitt is so Mormon, he asks donors to stack chairs after fundraising dinners.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll award Ty Detmer, Steve Young, and Jimmer Fredette Congressional Medal of Honor.
Mitt is so Mormon he refers to expatriates as â€œapostatesâ€ and non-US citizens as â€œGentiles.â€
Mitt is so Mormon that his campaign slogan is â€œWhat do you know about Mitt Romney? Would you like to know more?â€
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll reroute the Freedom Trail through Palmyra, New York, Nauvoo, Illinois, and Winter Quarters, Iowa.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll rename the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms the Word of Wisdom squad.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d do an ad for the LDS Church: â€œIâ€™m a husband, father, and leader of the free world. And Iâ€™m a Mormon.â€
Mitt is so Mormon he isnâ€™t as concerned about getting American youth jobs as he is about getting them married.
Mitt Romney is so Mormon he tried to convince CNN to let him bring a visual aid to the debate so he could turn it into an object lesson.
Mitt is so Mormon that he refers to Congress as â€œThe Great and Spacious Building.â€
Mitt is so Mormon that out of â€œconcern for the oneâ€ heâ€™ll invite Kim Jong-Il to join the fold.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll end every address with â€œhope you all get home without any harm or accidents.â€
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll assign a friend to every new member of Congress.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™s already picked out a room in the White House for his yearâ€™s supply of wheat and beans, and heâ€™llrequire the White House Chef to rotate the food storage.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll replace the Secret Service with the Danites.
Mitt is so Mormon his Secret Service codename will be Mahonri Moriancumr.
Mitt is so Mormon he thinks Harvard is the BYU of the east.
Mitt is so Mormon he thought the debt ceiling was something that could only happen in a temple.
Mitt is so Mormon, he doesnâ€™t campaign: he â€œfellowships.â€
Mitt is so Mormon that heâ€™s installing two basketball hoops at the inaugural ball so thereâ€™s a place to hang decorations.
Mitt is so Mormon that heâ€™ll change the name of â€œCabinet Meetingâ€ to â€œCorrelation Meeting.â€
Mitt is so Mormon that if he got elected all of the White House Pyrex 9x13 pans would have a piece of masking tape on them with his name written in Sharpie.
Mitt is so Mormon, he has four cats named 1 Nephi, 2 Nephi, 3 Nephi and 4 Nephi. (4 Nephi is the small one.)
Mitt is so Mormon that late last night he snuck out to put 5000 plastic forks in the lawn of Jon Huntsman. And after that, he heart attacked Rick Perry.
Mitt is so Mormon that heâ€™s going to rename the 101st Airborne as â€œThe Stripling Warriors.â€
Mitt is so Mormon, he wonâ€™t deport illegal aliens, heâ€™ll just disfellowship them.
Mitt is so Mormon, heâ€™ll rename FEMA the Federal Relief Society.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™ll start his acceptance speech withâ€œI never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.â€
Mitt is so Mormon that if elected heâ€™ll require every state to have an Official Casserole.
Mitt is so Mormon that the Marine Band will play â€œPraise to the Manâ€ when he enters a room.
Mitt is so Mormon that heâ€™ll appoint Lavell Edwards head of the Department of Defense.
Mitt is so Mormon he wonâ€™t allow advisers wearing non-white dress shirts to participate in cabinet meetings.
Mitt is so Mormon that heâ€™ll rename the weekly presidential address â€œPolitics and the Spoken Word.â€
Mitt is so Mormon that his cabinet would consist entirely of unqualified volunteers.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d outsource the department of education to the Boy Scouts.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d convene a linger-longer after cabinet meetings.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d hang a copy of the Proclamation on the Family and a picture of the Washington, D.C. LDS temple in the White House.
Mitt is so Mormon he has volunteers combing through old GOP voter rolls for less actives he can reactivate.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d commission a Mod Bod undershirt to be engraved under the sleeveless dress of the Statue of Liberty.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d put everyone in his stake on the inauguration invite list. Just because.
Mitt is so Mormon heâ€™d ask the Chief Justice to use a quad at his inauguration.
Mitt is so Mormon, he will add the phrases â€œevery fiber of my beingâ€ and â€œbeyond a shadow of a doubtâ€ to the presidential oath of office.
Mitt Romney is so Mormon heâ€™d plan a youth dance festival for his first 4th of July in office.